Marriage is one of the most sacred bonds, where two people form a relationship in the presence of the family, relatives, or public to give it meaning for a lifetime. It is important to get married when you are actually ready for it. But have you ever thought about whether love marriage is better or arrange marriage? What do you think of it? However, both have their own ways and logic. People who think love marriage is a better option to choose, the argument ends here, and the same goes for arranged marriages. But still, there has been a debate that arranged marriages are better as love marriages have maximum numbers of divorce rate. Let’s learn about different factors that affect it positively and negatively.
Many of you might cringe when it comes to an arranged marriage. It is natural; who does not want a fairytale wedding with the love of their life? But giving arranged marriage a chance would not do any harm. When we are in love, we do not understand the difference between many things, it makes us blind, and we forget about the practicalities of life. But, when it comes to our parents, trust me, they are the best at this. They know what they are choosing and why it is best for us. However, this topic always brings so much speculation when it comes. In this article, we will study all the possibilities and learn why divorce rates are higher in love marriages than in arranged marriages.
Arranged Marriages: Belief Of Parents And Families For Ages
People following similar culture, traditions, and beliefs highly believe in the concept of arranged marriages. The societal institution respects it and keeps it at the top priority, representing the bond between two individuals and their families. Since ancient times, it has been going on, and most people have their marriages arranged by their parents or other family members. The two families come together to make it official and complete all the customs and traditions norms that need to be done. Many people prefer arranged marriage without any compulsion, only because they want to lead a happy, healthy, and peaceful life.
The youths of India seem to trust their elders, who are responsible for taking difficult and essential decisions for the younger ones in the family. Talking of arranged marriages, the caste system has become of the major concern. Parents try to find the bride or groom of the same caste to keep the tradition, culture, and customer of their family alive. Whereas it is changing as time is passing by, the consent of arranged marriage is still standing strong. Looking at the facts and considerations, arranged marriage provides financial stability, cultural identity, equal status, and the same opinions of families and the partners, which leads to causing less disruption in the family. The only downside of this factor is that partners start knowing themselves after the marriage.
Love Marriage: Modern Way Of Marriage In India
Love marriage is stated as significant discrimination, which is displayed as a crime in most Indian society. Couples who prefer this latter are shown in the poor lifestyle of the community. Sometimes, parents do not prefer love marriages because of the disputes it may bring later. Even if both partners are successful in love marriage, families and society still praise arranged marriages.
However, with each passing day, several stories about love marriages come in a positive light. Families are proceeding to accept it, understanding the needs and wants of their children, why they want to spend their life with the particular person. However, society is still dominated when it comes to love marriage. Many of us fantasize about meeting our special person, dating him or her, falling in love, and getting married after getting the family’s approval. Isn’t it just perfect? However, there is still a section of people who prefer arranged marriage over love marriage.
Statistics Of Love And Arranged Marriage
According to the statistics published by the UNICEF:
- The Indian divorce rate for arranged marriages stands at 1.1%.
- 18% of women in South Asia are forced to get married before they turn 18.
- Global statistics for arranged marriage is 6%.
- A recent survey conducted by the NDTV reveals that an estimated 76% of Indians preferred arranged marriages over love marriages.
As per the reports, 90% of the marriages in India are stated to be arranged. A survey of IPSOS showed that 74% of young Indian between 18 to 35 years prefer to do arranged marriage over love marriage. Even the Bombay High Court, looking at the facts, said that divorces are much higher in love marriages than arranged marriages in India. Apart from that, India also holds the record of the lowest divorces rate in the world.
However, all these statistics indicate that arranged marriages are a lot more successful than love marriages. But have you ever thought, how two unknown people can lead a peaceful and healthy life for a lifetime? Nonetheless, some various concerns and doubts need to be cleared by understanding what you want in life.
Challenges Faced In Arranged Marriages
Arranged marriages are held when parents or family members decide the partner for their child by looking after what is best for him and her. However, every marriage faces challenges that should not be ignored and solved by dedication.
Society has evolved in multiple ways, and people who indulge in arranged marriage take a response of compromises and accept each other’s weakness. They have to pull out their insecurities and share them with their partner to agree on multiple things. Sometimes, if feelings are not shared, it leads to various problems, and no marriage works without a little bit of compromise as no one is born perfect. Since they do not know each other in person, it can create a lack of emotion, friendship, etc.
■ No Communication
People who do arranged marriages usually feel shy when it comes to communicating with each other. They get bound together just because of their parents, and they think they are right at what they are doing. However, it is one of the biggest challenges of arranged marriages that couples need to overcome. Being a couple, you should share your emotions, needs, and desires with your partner to work things out.
■ Bad Habits
Since the couples do not know each other, they will discover everything about their partner after the marriage. Be it good habits or bad habits. It may change the perception of your partner. To overcome this, share how you feel about this particular habit with your partner and tell them why you don’t like it. Your relationship may take a smoother turn.
Challenges Faced In Love Marriages
■ Disowned By Their Families
It is one of the major concerns when it comes to love marriage. Generally, in India, families disown their children who indulge in love marriages. The parents think the couple will not end up together, they are not right for each other, they will leave you, you both will fight in the future, and many more misconceptions. All these elements also affect the life of couples and lead to serious problems.
■ Social Pressure Create Stress Between The Couple
Couples who do love marriages still face the social stigma in India. They face a lot of societal issues while buying houses, renting apartments, etc. All these factors create stress in couples’ lives, leading to serious concerns and love life problems.
■ Superior Complex
There is no doubt that couples do not argue, but sometimes a small argument creates serious relationship problems. For example, if a couple thinks that their caste is superior to their partner, it will lead to respectful and attitudinal behavioural issues. It can also lead to separation if it keeps on growing. The relationship becomes so toxic that it becomes so difficult to survive.
Advantages And Disadvantages Of Arranged Marriage
Arranged marriages are accepted by society as the holiest approach, where two people come together along with their families to form a pure relationship,
- When it comes to the law, adjustments are better for arranged marriage couples.
- Family relations are better, and it provides opportunities to form new relationships in future.
- In case of some mishappenings or calamities, both families share the grief and burden. Both families are there to support each other in difficult times.
- There is an extensive list of spendings and financial burdens for their children.
- Sometimes dowry system becomes a huge problem that can create misunderstanding and lead to torture of the bride.
- It becomes difficult for newlywed couples to live and adjust together since they do not know each other.
- If the relationship between the martial couples becomes unsuccessful, the parents are blamed for the decision.
Advantages And Disadvantages Of Love Marriage
- The ownership of the marriage and relationship relies on the couples, and they tend to choose the important decision.
- In a love marriage, an individual gets the chance to choose their love partner and get married to the specific one they love.
- They share their thoughts and feelings with their partners about what they think.
- The couples have a better understanding of love marriages since they know each other for a long time.
- The partner becomes more caring, mature, and responsible towards handling life problems.
- Due to a lack of financial sources, things between the couple may become complicated and disheartening.
- The couple who do love marriage do not generally get family or parental support, and everyone turns their back against them.
- There is a huge risk of separation in love marriages if it becomes impulsive in nature.
- Couples cannot blame their parents if anything goes wrong in their married life.
- It creates a lot of stress and anxiety among the couples about what society will think and how will they cope up with it.
Reasons Why Divorce Rates Are Higher In Love Marriages
■ No Choices
In love marriages, you are bound to one person, and you cannot think of anyone else other than your partner. But sometimes, you realize things about life and love after spending a specific time period with that person. Whereas in arranged marriages, one has several choices, and they choose one which seems ideal to them. Therefore, it is important to be sure of what you want in life before getting indulge in married life.
■ Possessive Nature
A study showed that love marriages have more possessive partners compared to arranged marriages. It is one reason why love marriages fail to work, and couples get split. Even a small problem between the couples can lead to a serious relationship problem; therefore, it is important to trust and understand your partner.
When you spend a lot of time with your partner, the sparkle starts fading away. It will help you best if you try to keep doing playful things, planning trips, or going out for a candle night dinner. Many relationships break because of boredom, so keep the love alive by appreciating each other.
When you marry a person, you know the living style of your partner but not his family. When you all start living together, you understand the differences and how it is impacting your life. It is one of the biggest reasons couples split in love marriages, and it has a higher divorce rate than arranged marriages. Therefore, it is essential to understand your boundaries, the way you approach life, and the similarities you share.
■ Regular Taunts
After the couples do love marriage, they go through regular taunts by their family members or society, by which they feel humiliated and emotionally stressed. It does not bring positive energy to their relationship, and everything seems messed up.
It isn’t easy to comment on what is best for an individual. At the end of the day, what matters is what you want as an individual and as a partner. If you think your choices regarding marriage make you happy, then you are exactly where you need to be. If you are happy with your parents’ decision, there is nothing wrong with it. What matters the most is you have a happy life with the love of your life. So, do not give up on things, and do what your heart says!
Frequently Asked Questions About Marriage
Q: Why do arranged marriages have lower divorce rates?
Ans: There are ample positive perspectives for the low divorce rates in arranged marriages. In an arranged marriage, couples feel more responsible for solving issues and have mutual dedication towards each other.
Q: What are the most important things in a marriage?
Ans: Trust, love, understanding, commitment, respect, connection, and intimacy are some of the essential factors of happy marriage.
Q: Why do many love marriages fail?
Ans: Many love marriages these days fail because of misunderstandings, lack of compromisation, ego problems, etc. Before marriage, things are different, but when you form a relationship with a couple after marriage, one problem leads to another, which causes divorce.
Q: Do couples fall in love after arranged marriage?
Ans: Yes! Experts say that couples who are brought together through arranged marriage do fall in love deeply. However, the success of the marriage depends on how they work out things with each other during the time of complications.
Q: What are the considerations should I think of before doing an arranged marriage?
Ans: You must ask if you are ready for the marriage, where do you see yourself after getting married, your perception about arranged marriages, and many more. These points will give you a reality check of what you are seeking in life and how you want to proceed.
Q: What is the biggest problem in a marriage?
Ans: Some of the biggest problems in a marriage are ignoring boundaries, communication problems, different life stages, different values, lack of intimacy, arguments about money, selfishness, lack of understanding, and many more.
Q: Which is the best love or arranged marriage?
Ans: It depends on the type of relationship you have with a particular person. It also depends on your values, the way you connect with your partner. Sometimes arranged marriages do not work, and sometimes love marriages become difficult to handle. In simple words, it depends from person to person and their perceptions towards their relationship.
Q: What is the ideal age of getting married in India?
Ans: The ideal age for getting married in India is between 18 to 37 years old. However, it can also vary depending on the perspectives of an individual.
Q: How can things be ruined in a marriage?
Ans: Keeping secrets from your partner, not giving each other time, weak communication, not showing gratitude, not celebrating good moments, exerting jealousy, and never apologizing for the mistake can ruin a happy marriage life.
Q: What are the tips for a happy arranged married life?
Ans: Some of the things you need to do for a happy arranged married life are be kind to each other, celebrate even a small achievement, laugh with each other, do small things together, be each other’s strength, do not expect your partner to be with you 24×7, and trust your partner.