Teenagers are moody, breaking the rules, driving fast, and arguing a lot. They are rebellious by their nature and feel that no one understands them. They tend to take a grill on your patience.
All these are normal and a part of growing up. The mood swings and feeling unhappy are justified when it appears in kids ranging from 13 years and above. Anger and sorrow are the two most important outcomes of behavioral changes in teens. The dislike towards parents develops when attachment parenting suddenly changes to detachment parenting during the adolescent period.
Teens start to see things more realistically, unlike young kids who don’t see the flaws in their parents. They start comparing their parents with their friend’s parents or media parents. The transition phase from easy-going childhood days to more privacy-minded teenage days is crucial. This is the time when your child is neither a child nor an adult.
This is the reason why parents tend to complicate things while dealing with teenagers.
Few mistakes by parents which can initiate this dislike
One common feeling in teenagers is that they feel to be uniquely cursed. This weird feeling can be easily erased from their minds if you could be in their shoes or try to be as friendly as you can.
Here, you need to know that their brains are developing in this phase. Be it social interests or new thinking capabilities, and teenagers are seeing the world in a new way. Parents here forget to make huge adjustments and while coping with adolescence, they tend to make small mistakes. For which teenagers start to dislike.
So, if you are in a lookout to create a healthy, trustworthy relationship with your teenage child, try to grasp some of these points to grow mutual respect.
1. Listen to your teens
By this time, your child has already reached the age of 13 or 14. Through all these years, they have become well-aware of your interests and opinions. Now, this is the time to only listen to them.
You may feel quite defensive about knowing this. But the fact is that you may not know everything about the teenage world. So listen to what they say, or feel. There will be times when they will ask your opinion. Feel free to provide your thoughts then.
2. Too much of criticism
Criticism is a necessary evil when you talk about parenting. It is your job to correct them whenever necessary. But too much of it will ruin your relationship with your teenage child. Excessive fault-finding will create a barrage of disapproval on your teen’s head. Teenagers are to be given occasional reminders kindly and carefully.
Always remember, teenagers are criticized more by peers and teachers. You have to provide a place with acceptance and love.
3. Showering them with questions
When you are showering with endless questions, teenagers usually try to avoid all those to answer. You can ask one or two, and wait for them to answer those with patience.
Nobody wants to be grilled with questions like where were you? What were you doing? With whom were you? What did you eat? All these questions will confuse them. Let them gather the thoughts and present them to you. It will provide confidence and faith in you.
4. Complaining about them publicly
Often parents feel that it’s normal to talk about their kid’s flaws. During parties and social gatherings, you may be sharing embarrassing stories about your child. The fact is that you tend to hurt them unknowingly.
For children, it’s obvious that they start to behave the way they are treated. So, if you treat them well, they will behave well. Make them feel that their parent’s place is the safest place to live and they can make mistakes for improvement and not for criticism.
5. Don’t generalize all teens
Teenagers are usually cranky and tough to handle because of the brain development that is going on in their heads. But that doesn’t mean that you can stereotype all teens and generalize their behaviors.
There are several teenagers out there who are managing their lives dealing with all sorts of complications. They keep juggling their activities, like going for tuition classes, developing apps, managing studies, maintain dance or drama sessions, etc.
Here is your responsibility to make sure that you give some leeway to your teens if they forget something to do.
6. Give them their space and privacy
Small kids are attention seekers but as the kids grow up, they start to find their lone time and privacy. They need some space where they can grow their interests. There are instances when they spend some time calculating their relationships with others, as it has started getting complex now.
Always remember, they are separate individuals and if they are not sharing a particular journal or diary with you, it doesn’t mean that they are hiding something which is not good. It is not that they don’t trust you.
The ideal way is to give them space and privacy so that one day, they will open the door for you. Teens often try to solve their problems themselves instead of involving their parents.
7. Constant suspicion
Parents need to be careful and cautious about their child’s activities, friend circle, and whereabouts. You can keep an eye on their behavioral changes, signs of depression, drug abuse, or alcohol abuse. Make some ground rules at home for the teens to follow.
But constant suspicion and distrust will ruin your relationship with your child. Protect your teens from the evils while keeping a balance between trust and security. Keep your computers password-protected and let your child know that you check the history in intervals.
8. Don’t multitask while listening to them
Your children need your time and attention. Try to dedicate or allocate time when you are listening to them without getting involved in some other activity. For example, try not to involve in discussions when you are busy in some official work or over the phone.
Teens feel dejected and humiliated when you multitask while talking to them. They usually want to be the center of your universe. When you value them, they will reciprocate and value the relationship.
9. Stop comparing with others
This is the most common mistake that parents usually keep doing. You tend to compare children between siblings, neighbor’s children, or classmates. A simple way to avoid this is to think about how you feel if your closed one starts to compare you with your best friend.
Too much of expectations by the parents can create hatred towards them by their teens. Teenagers are going through a tough phase where everything is changing daily. They are struggling to cope up with things that are beyond their capabilities. In this tough scenario, if parents keep high expectations of excellence and brilliance, then it becomes even tougher for them.
11. Be the example
If you want your teenage kid would behave in a certain way, try to be an example yourself. They will learn from you. Each time you shout at them for their mistakes or punish them for an unjustifiable reason, you are creating distance from your kid.
Forgiveness when they make mistakes and saying sorry when you make mistakes are the two ways to rebuild your relationship. Your children will automatically learn to apologize and forgive for a better living experience.
Try to incorporate the above ways in your parenting style to understand your teenage child better. Together you both can solve the troubles and fight all problems. If you can figure out the adolescent developments, the relationship with your teen will become smooth and emotionally fruitful.